To find services or supports you are comfortable with, please visit the helplines and support services page - use a friend’s phone if you think yours is being monitored.
Gaslighting is when someone deliberately tries to confuse you, manipulate you, or make you doubt yourself. It can involve denial, twisting facts, or making you feel like you’re overreacting.
When gaslighting is used in a pattern of repeated behaviours, it’s a form of coercive control, which is family and domestic violence. It can leave a victim feeling confused, isolated, and powerless.
Examples of gaslighting in a relationship
Gaslighting can sound like many things. Some examples of what a gaslighter might say are:
- “You’re so sensitive.”
- “You’re overreacting about this.”
- “You know I would never do that to you.”
- “You need to get some help.”
- “You can’t trust your memory.”
- “You’re exaggerating what actually happened.”
- “You’re crazy.”
Why is gaslighting dangerous?
Gaslighting is emotional abuse, and it is used to manipulate and control another person. Gaslighting is dangerous because it erodes a person’s confidence, self-worth and sense of reality
Gaslighting takes away someone’s independence and creates doubt in their mind. It can make the person dependent on their abuser as a source of truth, which can result in people becoming isolated from friends or family.
What are the signs of being gaslighted?
Gaslighting has many mental or emotional impacts. When you’re experiencing gaslighting, you might feel:
- like you’re second guessing your own thoughts and emotions
- a sense of dependency on the abuser
- like you need to apologise a lot
- that you struggle to make decisions
- more sadness or anxiety than usual
- that you need to make excuses for someone’s poor decisions or behaviours towards you
- like no matter what you do, it’s not good enough
- like you don’t have any independence
- isolated from friends or family
- low self-esteem
Gaslighting doesn’t only happen in intimate relationships. It can also happen at work with colleagues, with a neighbour, between family members or friends, and even by medical professionals.
How to help someone you think is experiencing gaslighting
Talking about gaslighting or coercive control can be tricky. Especially because these behaviours can be so subtle that they’re hard to notice.
It can be easy for someone to dismiss or rationalise the manipulation as “just caring” or “just how they are.”
If you notice someone in your life is showing signs of being gaslit, you can offer support and be there to listen without judgement.
You can start a conversation with that person in a few ways:
- Create a safe space for them to feel a bit more comfortable opening up to you without fear of anyone else overhearing.
- Ask them how they feel when that person said or did that thing.
- Validate their feelings and believe what they say.
- Encourage them to keep a record of what’s happening somewhere secure.
- Avoid judging their choices.
- Help them to explore support options available to them.
It’s important to let them know that you believe in them and stand by their side. If someone seeking help is brushed off, it could decide whether they open up, leave the relationship, or get help - or stay in a harmful situation.
Learn more about how you can help someone experiencing family and domestic violence.
Download this fact sheet for helpful tips on supporting someone.
Help and support
If you, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, call the police now on 000.
If it’s not an emergency and you need support, you can call support helplines 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Use a friend’s phone if you think yours is being monitored.
- 1800RESPECT: a national sexual assault, domestic family violence counselling service. Phone: 1800 737 732.
- Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline: provides support for women, with or without children, who are experiencing family and domestic violence in Western Australia (including referrals to women’s refuges). Phone: 1800 007 339. *This helpline is operated by Department of Communities, and your call will be answered by a child protection worker. We are here to help.
- Men’s Domestic Violence Helpline: provides telephone information and referrals for men who are concerned about their violent and abusive behaviours, and for male victims of family and domestic violence in Western Australia. Phone: 1800 000 599. *This helpline is operated by Department of Communities, and your call will be answered by a child protection worker. We are here to help.
- Kids Helpline: provides free support and counselling (talking through problems) to people aged 5-25. Phone: 1800 551 800
Find more support here:
Family and domestic violence helplines and support services
What to do if you’re worried you are gaslighting in your relationship
If you’re concerned about your own actions, there are support services and resources available to help. Taking responsibility is the first step towards positive change.
Find out more if you’re worried about your behaviour.
Raise awareness about coercive control and stand up against violence
We all have a role to play in preventing family and domestic violence. Raising awareness in our communities or on social media can help others spot the signs.
Find out how to help raise awareness about coercive control in family and domestic violence.
You can also find out how to stand up against family and domestic violence and promote respect.
Understanding family and domestic violence
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